The other day I passed a parasite. She was cute and told me I was funny, so I picked her up. The rest of the week is history, well, bathroom history.
During this fun I got a call from a gal that wanted a walking tour of local pubs for three hours that very night for she and her spouse. I’ve no idea what it was about my on-line reputation as knowing local art, history and culture made her think I was the last minute go-to-guy to take her husband and she out bar-hopping but I passed explaining if she wanted virgins, saints, volcanoes, cave art, witches, etc. I was her man, but bars were not my area of expertise. Normally I’m not so blunt, but with being sick all week I didn’t much care.
She hung up and called right back asking for a walking tour of history and culture for that night at six. I said “Sure!” thinking this situation wasn’t real until then came her email on the details. She wanted a tour for 20 pharmaceutical representatives from Raleigh, NC, Mexico, Venezuela, Columbia and Peru to take my tour focused on faith impacting today’s San Miguel, instead of that dull pub crawl!
Oh, crap! I’m good, very good, at what I do, but that doesn’t normally take place with a group of guys on per diem looking for a good time in a town they just blew into. However, I do love a challenge.
I picked them up in the Hotel Matilda being a bit surprised while using the bathroom (of course) where I found Thing. He’s now a bathroom attendant after not finding work once the Addams’ Family let him go.
Then the tour, I mean the real fun, began. I was lucky to get a photographer to tag along though in far too many photos I appear to have a voice heard only by dogs and men.
I let the lads through Parque Juarez regaling with tales of days gone by when John Wayne and John Ford visited the ruins of an old hacienda and planted trees there for their pal’s mom living there. Then we talked about the witches that flew down the mountain to Malanquin until the golf course got built and the green fees were just too high to land a broom on.
Being technical types, what really fascinated them was explaining how the water works plant functioned to supply water to the fountains around town. Plus showing them how folks placed their elbows to retrieve buckets of water so often the stone ledge is worn to fit your forearms.
Eventually we made it up to the jardin to discuss why teenage girls portray St. Mike in local processions. I’m content knowing I’ve done my bit when they mention their dinner reservations aren’t until nine. Can’t I show them more of town for an hour?
At this point all I want to do is go chat up Thing, or anything else that is in a bathroom, but off we go to Plaza Civica instead.
Here we enjoy the fireworks and celebrations for the Sacred Heart of Jesus. To the indigenous a POW’s heart was eaten by the highest priest or ruler. The new religion’s idea of a heart representing endless compassion quickly incorporated into art, culture and fiestas. As I’m guiding twenty eligible men around town talking about love and hearts I’m reminded of the constant lament that there aren’t many available men here in town. Apparently, that’s just not true!
Dropping my charges off at 1218 Relox, the upscale shopping and restaurant area, was a mixed blessing. I’d miss them but on a certain level we all had to go.
Joseph Toone is the Historical Society’s short-story award winning author of the SMA Secrets book series. All books in the series are Amazon bestsellers in Mexican Travel and Holidays. Toone is SMA’s expert and TripAdvisor’s top ranked historical tour guide telling the stories behind what we do in today’s SMA. Visit HistoryAndCultureWalkin
